April always makes me think of three things: pranks, rain showers, and the crack of a bat at the start of baseball season.

And even though I wasn’t raised as a die-hard fan, I’ve always been drawn to the emotional poetry of baseball — the rhythm of it, the symbolism, the devotion it demands.

It reminds me a lot of love. Because love may feel natural. But relationships — like baseball — are a skill.

“We’ve Tried Nothing and We’re All Out of Ideas”

I often sit with couples on the brink of separation. People who love each other, but are exhausted by years — sometimes decades — of disconnection, resentment, and unmet needs.

And when I ask what they’ve done to repair the relationship, the answer I often get, in one form or another, is:

“We’ve tried nothing… and we’re all out of ideas.”

They don’t say this because they don’t care.

They say it because they were taught that love should be effortless.

That the right relationship won’t require hard conversations, growth, or discomfort.

That if it’s “meant to be,” it’ll just work.

But that’s one of the biggest myths about love.

Love is not a finished product you receive — it’s a skill set you build.

Throwing a Ball vs. Playing in the Major Leagues

Let’s go back to baseball for a second.

If someone told you, “Throwing a ball is natural, so why am I not a major league baseball player?” — you’d probably laugh.

You know there’s a world of difference between tossing a ball in your backyard and playing professionally.

No one becomes an elite athlete without training, coaching, and deliberate effort.

But when it comes to love, we expect ourselves to just know how to do it — as if caring enough should be enough.

Here’s the truth: Every great relationship requires skill.

Acquiring skill requires learning.

Getting great at skills requires practice.

Love Is a Skill, Not Just a Feeling

There’s nothing wrong with needing to learn how to be a better partner. In fact, the strongest relationships I’ve seen belong to people who are willing to learn, practice, and grow — especially when it’s uncomfortable.

Because love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a practice.

It requires:

Communication (because love isn’t mind-reading)
Emotional regulation (because stress and frustration are inevitable)
Conflict resolution (because disagreements will happen)
Intentional connection (because love isn’t self-sustaining)
Repair (because no one gets it right all the time)

These aren’t personality traits. They’re not about luck. They’re skills — and skills can be learned. But you can only learn the skills for success in love if you accept that love is an action. Not luck. Not magic. Practice.

The Power of Intentionality

One of the biggest differences I see between relationships that flounder and relationships that grow? Intentionality.

I’ve worked with couples who’ve been stuck for 10 or 20 years — never having actually done the work to address the core issues. And sometimes, one partner is ready before the other.

But when both people show up — willing to learn, willing to be uncomfortable, willing to train, willing to put in the work — that’s when I see real magic. That’s when relationships start to come back to life.

It’s like going to the gym. You can casually show up every now and then and see minimal change, or you can follow a training plan and build strength you didn’t know you had.

Couples therapy, books, workshops, conversations, podcasts — none of these are quick fixes. But they are reps. And reps matter.

Spring Training Drills: Reps You Can Start Today

If you’re ready to start putting in the reps, here are a few simple but powerful practices you can try this week:

1. The 4 Parts of Personhood Check-In

Once a week, take turns asking each other:

How are you doing personally?
How are you doing professionally?
How are you doing as a partner?
How are you doing as a parent? (Pets and plants count!)

Where are you thriving? Where could you use some support?

This check-in creates space for meaningful reflection and shows your partner you care about how they’re doing in all parts of their life.

2. Practice the 4 Positions of Conversation

Most of us have a default stance when things get tense. Some of us are fixers. Some jump to debate. Some stay silent and listen but never join.

Healthy communication means being able to shift between roles intentionally. Try practicing these:

Listening — Stay quiet and receive what your partner is saying.
Joining — Acknowledge and empathize without shifting the focus.
Fixing — Offer help only when asked or invited.
Debating — Engage thoughtfully if you both agree it’s time to unpack different perspectives.

If you notice you’ve gotten strong in one position (like fixing or debating), try flexing a different muscle. Just like in the gym, balanced training matters. Overdeveloping one side while neglecting the others leads to imbalance — in both body and relationship.

3. Set a Ritual of Connection

Pick something small and repeatable — a morning hug, an end-of-day check-in, or a phone-free meal — and commit to doing it daily.

Relationships thrive on consistent micro-moments of care.

4. Do One Unexpected Act of Love This Week

Not because it’s your anniversary. Not because you’re in trouble. Just because.

Love grows in the unremarkable, unprompted acts.

It’s Not About Being Perfect — It’s About Being Consistent

Love may start as a natural spark. But sustaining it? That takes work.

The happiest couples I know aren’t the ones who never struggle — they’re the ones who put in the reps. The ones who decide to train for love the way someone trains for a championship. The ones who decide that their relationship will be the investment of their lifetime.

So if your relationship feels stuck, that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care.

It just means you might be under-trained.

The good news?

You can train. You can practice. You can grow.

Because love isn’t just about throwing a ball — it’s about putting in the work to go pro.

Spring training starts now.

With love, Kristal DeSantis, M.A., LMFT, CCTP, CSTIP Psychotherapist & Author | STRONG: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man

🔗 Schedule a Call | Practice Website | Book Website

📲 Instagram: @atxtherapist

📥 Grab the FREE STRONG Relationship Toolkit — a quick reflection guide for men ready to grow in love.