
Have you ever sat at a stoplight, lost in thought, and suddenly realized your relationship is coasting on autopilot? The days blur together — work, errands, obligations — until one day, you wake up wondering: Where did the time go? When did we stop trying?
February often brings love and connection to the forefront, but it also invites reflection. Mary Oliver’s famous words, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” always make me pause. And today, I want to invite you to do the same.
Are you embracing the fleeting, precious moments of your life — especially in your relationships?
Too often, we take love for granted, assuming it will sustain itself without much effort. But love — like life — needs intention, attention, and action.
Love is a Green Light — Until It’s Not
Love often feels like a green light in the beginning — smooth, effortless, full of forward motion. In the dating phase it’s easy: deep conversations, laughter, shared dreams. But love isn’t a fairy tale. Chemistry and connection are important, but they aren’t enough to carry a relationship through the ups and downs of life.
One day, the light turns yellow, you have a disagreement, a rupture, a misunderstanding. These moments caution us to slow down and pay attention. Unfortunately many couples ignore these early warnings — the small silences, the repeated misunderstandings, the creeping emotional distance. They assume love will find its way back to green. But when yellow lights go unnoticed — when we brush aside those moments of disconnection — the inevitable happens.
The light turns red.
Many couples come to me at this moment — sitting in the stillness of a love that has quietly lost its way. They tell me, “It wasn’t always like this. We used to laugh, we used to talk for hours. Now… I don’t know what happened.”
The truth?
Love doesn’t disappear — it fades when we stop tending to it. Like a plant withering from neglect, relationships need nurturing, attention, and care.
The Red Light Moment
The song Red Light by one of my favorite artists, David Nail, captures this moment with heartbreaking storytelling. In it, a couple sits at a stoplight on a bright Sunday afternoon. The radio plays, traffic moves around them, people come and go — but in that stillness, his partner turns to him and simply says, “It’s over.”
How many times had they sat at that same stoplight before, dreaming of their future, making plans? And now — nothing. No words. No fight. No betrayal. Just a quiet surrender to what has already been lost.
He sings, “This is what I don’t love you feels like,” capturing the crushing moment he realizes the love between them has slipped away. The silent end to what once was.
This kind of moment can feel earth-shattering. But it can also be a wake-up call.
You don’t have to wait for a red light moment to take action. The earlier you recognize when your relationship is drifting, the more power you have to choose how your love story unfolds.
The Choice Point: What Will You Do With Your One Wild and Precious Love Story?
It’s easy to look at a relationship that feels strained or disconnected and hope that, someday, it will magically get better.
But here’s the truth:
Out of all the paths you could have taken, all the people you could have loved, this is the life you are living, and this is the love you are cultivating. Is it full? Is it passionate? Is it alive?
You only get one go-around — make it count.
If you’ve hit a speed bump or a red light in your marriage, you are at a choice point. What will you choose?
Will you wait for things to change on their own, or will you reclaim your love story?
Will you hold onto resentments, or will you reconnect with curiosity?
Will you let love fade, or will you fight for it?
Reflection Questions
Loving intentionally means choosing how you spend your time and energy, saying “yes” to what matters, and letting go of distractions. Take a moment to reflect:
How can I show up more fully in my relationship today?
What distractions keep me from being present with the people I love?
Am I living in alignment with what truly matters to me?
Action Steps for Living Your One Wild and Precious Life
Small actions can create profound shifts. Here are a few ways to bring more intention into your life and love:
Recognize Yellow Lights Early
Pay attention to subtle signs of disconnection before your relationship hits a red light. If something feels off, address it now.
Nurture Gratitude
Each day, take a moment to reflect on something you appreciate about your partner or loved ones — and tell them.
Be Curious
Instead of assuming you know everything about your partner, ask open-ended questions. Get to know them all over again.
Set Intentions
Each week, choose one way you want to show up differently in your relationship — maybe by listening more, being more affectionate, or simply being more present.
Carve Out “Wild” Moments
Surprise your partner with a spontaneous adventure, a heartfelt note, or an act of kindness that shakes up the ordinary. A weekly date night, a morning coffee chat, or a simple end-of-day check-in — these small moments strengthen connection and create meaning.
What Happens Next is Up to You
You don’t want to sit at a red light years from now thinking: I should have. I could have. I would have — if only I’d known.
Instead, take this as your reminder: This is your life. Your story. Your script.
At any point, you can take back control of your script — before it fades into monotony — and choose to live intentionally. Shake up the ordinary. Choose adventure over autopilot. Go off-road in love.
Step fully into the life you want to live. Cultivate the relationships that matter.
This is your one wild and precious life — you deserve to live it to the fullest.
Not everyone will make it into history books, but the legacy of a life well-lived and a love fully enjoyed is something we all have access to.
Your love story is written in the choices you make every day.
Choose to move forward. Love boldly. Live intentionally.
Adventure on, and love strong.
With Love,
-Kristal DeSantis, M.A., LMFT, CCTP, CSTIP Psychotherapist & Author | STRONG: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man Schedule a call: https://calendly.com/kristal-desantis Practice Website: www.austinstrongrbc.com Book Website: www.strong.love Instagram @atxtherapisthttps://linktr.ee/atxtherapist
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