​When a couple faces uncertainty, with one partner leaning toward leaving the relationship and the other hoping to work on it, discernment counseling offers a valuable path forward. This focused, short-term process helps couples gain clarity about their relationship and make informed decisions about its future.

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How is Discernment Counseling Different from Couples Therapy?

Discernment counseling is not about solving relationship problems or improving communication skills—those are the goals of couples therapy. Instead, discernment counseling is a precursor to couples therapy, designed to help both partners gain a clear understanding of their individual desires, concerns, and levels of commitment.

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In discernment counseling, each partner is encouraged to reflect on what changes they would need to see, what they are willing to take responsibility for, and whether they are ready to work on the relationship in a meaningful way. It lays all the cards on the table, creating a foundation for potential future couples therapy, or helping couples move toward a more informed decision, whether that be staying together or separating.

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Couples therapy, on the other hand, assumes that both partners are committed to improving the relationship. Entering couples therapy without clear buy-in from both sides can lead to frustration, wasted time, or even a negative experience that turns one or both partners off therapy altogether. Discernment counseling helps prevent that by ensuring that both partners are on the same page before committing to the intensive process of couples therapy.

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How Do We Know If Discernment Counseling is Right For Us?

Consider discernment counseling if:
- You and your partner have discussed couples therapy but are unsure if it’s the right step.
- You've had recurring discussions about breaking up, or have a pattern of breakups and makeups.
- Deep-rooted issues are preventing your relationship from progressing to the next level.

If you find yourselves at a crossroads, discernment counseling can help you determine whether couples therapy is a worthwhile investment—or if it’s time to move in a different direction.

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The Discernment Counseling Process

The process is divided into three main parts:

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Session 1: Exploring the History of the Relationship-In the first session, both partners meet with the counselor together to discuss how the relationship reached its current state. The focus is on understanding the dynamics of the relationship, including strengths, unresolved issues, and recurring patterns of conflict.

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Sessions 2 & 3: Individual Reflection: In subsequent sessions, each partner meets individually with the counselor. These sessions allow for deeper introspection and provide a space for each person to explore their feelings, concerns, and goals for the relationship. During these meetings, partners also begin to formulate personal statements of intent, which outline their vision for the future, whether it involves staying together or separating.

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Session 4: Decision-Making Together: The final joint session involves reviewing the personal statements of intent and discussing potential paths forward. 

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What Happens After Discernment Counseling?

At the end of discernment counseling, couples have three main options:

• Commit to Couples Therapy: If both partners decide they want to work on the relationship, the next step is to engage in more traditional couples therapy, where the focus will be on resolving issues and building a stronger relationship.

• Choose a Thoughtful Separation: If the couple decides to part ways, discernment counseling can help them do so with mutual respect and understanding, minimizing the emotional and financial toll of separation or divorce.

• Take More Time to Reflect: Some couples may decide they need more time before making a final decision. In this case, the counselor can provide guidance on how to continue exploring their options and support their ongoing reflections.

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Why Choose Discernment Counseling?

Investing in 4-6 sessions of discernment counseling can offer long-term clarity and confidence. Whether you decide to fully commit to couples therapy, continue as you are, or move toward a therapeutic or permanent separation, discernment counseling ensures that your next steps are made with intention, mutual understanding, and a sense of direction.

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